Category: Hijinks

Maximum Send

I forgot to share this with you. This is a fun and altogether ridiculous video I made from our gentleman’s snowboarding trip last year, explaining our commitment to the craft and devotion to the concept of send. It’s hosted by Dailymotion (the professional’s choice for video) because it was banned from YouTube. It debuted at the Mesa, AZ, Film Festival (aka “The Deuce” Film Extravaganza) in September of this year.

I’ve had to explain to numerous people that the commentary is a joke, as it seems the guys’ commitment to the bit led some to believe they were totally serious. I only hire the best actors, you see. We did, however, carve that resort like a Thanksgiving turkey, and all the helicopter footage of the mountains is mine.

Watch that shit in 1080. Standard def is extremely un-send.

The Packers Will Not Win the Super Bowl in Minneapolis, and Here’s Why

(This is a post I originally started writing for the Vikings blog to which I contribute, but, for reasons that will become obvious, by the time I finished it was unfit to post there. So I’m throwing it up on here instead, because. It is undoubtedly one of the dumbest things I’ve done.)


The start of training camp comes pre-loaded with natural optimism—have you heard? Every team is undefeated!—but we here in Vikings Land have a special knack for identifying negatives, no matter the time of year. One such wet blanket materialized earlier this week, when Packers CEO Mark Murphy began yapping about the potential for his team to play in Super Bowl LII in U.S. Bank Stadium:

“It’s going to be a lot of fun for all our fans to drive across the state when we’re in the Super Bowl in Minneapolis,” Mark Murphy told shareholders on Monday, via Aaron Nagler of PackersNews.com.

Obvious offseason antics aside, the hated Packers playing in—and potentially winning—the first Minnesota-hosted Super Bowl since 1992 is a real possibility. And, as Drew Mahowald pointed out on Twitter, it’s terrifying. Along with decades of superior relevance and a total skunking in the championship ring department, winning a Super Bowl on the Vikings’ home turf would be another big ol’ W for the Packers in the interstate rivalry. It would also be very Vikings; even without playing in the big game, they would still find a way to lose.

But fear not, purple faithful, because the Packers will neither win, nor participate in, this year’s Super Bowl. I am very confident in this prediction, perhaps as much as 85% confident. One could point to Green Bay’s recent string of playoff meltdowns—dating back to 2014—as reason enough to make this claim. But for me, it’s about something greater. 

The Otter Lodge Guide to Social Media, Part 1

The social media scene is such a two-faced animal; great for keeping up with old friends, sharing your thoughts and ideas, and learning new things about people you know, and terrible for those exact same reasons. We all get annoyed from time to time by the things we see on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ Instagram, yet we keep coming back. Its hold on us is unrelenting.

But let’s face it: some people are more annoying than others in the social department of the ‘ol world wide web. We all have at least one friend who makes us cringe every time they post another annoying photo/video/political status. And if you can’t identify that friend, chances are, it’s you.

But there’s good news! The Otter Lodge is here with a few helpful tips to ensure you’re not that guy (or gal). We’ll call them do’s and don’t’s of social media, and as always, they’re brought to you with a pure heart and the best intentions. So:

Do: Share important moments in your life.

Get engaged? A promotion? Run the table in a beer pong tournament? We want to hear about it! Sharing important life events like these are what social media are all about. Post a photo or status and let the likes roll in.

Don’t: Share every moment in your life.

As with drinking and recreational drug use, it’s easy to take a good thing and go overboard. If you find yourself posting many times a day, writing meaningless run-on sentences, or just using the term “LOL” a lot, please, step away from the keyboard and cleanse yourself in the nearest body of water. Like many things in life, social media are more enjoyable when you use them sparingly. How many times have you said to yourself, “man, it’s annoying how little (Person X) posts on Facebook”? Probably never. When in doubt, it’s better to say nothing.

Here’s a good test: take whatever it is you’re about to post, and assume everyone else will find it exactly half as interesting as you. (They generally do.) If this level of interesting will still add value to others’ lives, you’re good to go. If not, move it along.

Do: Have (at least a small amount of) respect for punctuation and grammar.

I understand. This is the internet. It’s not the Harvard Law Review. The rules are more relaxed. We’re not looking for perfection here. But please, write in a way that if a person had to answer whether or not you’d completed the third grade, they would at least consider checking “yes.”

Don’t: Communicate with your significant other through Facebook.

Chances are, you read this one and thought to yourself, “well, duh.” Congratulations! You are a sane adult. But believe it or not, there’s a fringe group that will actually do their couple communication through public Facebook wall posts. Such as:

“Hey babe. Just wanted to say I love you and you make me SOOOOOO happy!!!”

Terrific that you feel this way!  May I suggest actually telling your “babe” this, and not the entire internet, which is what you’re doing when you post it to Facebook.

“I’ll be home around 7, can’t wait to see you ;)”

I’m confident he/she can’t wait, either, but are either of you equipped with a device that would send a text message, email, or make a phone call? Perhaps the very device you used for this post?

Do: Share photos of your kid.

Fact: you love your kid. Your parents love your kid. Your siblings love your kid. Hell, your friends might even love your kid. They want to see pictures and check up on the little bugger’s growth. A great way to do this efficiently is a social media post.

Don’t: Unrelentingly share photos of your kid.

You already posted a kid pic this week? Great! You’re set on that front at least until next week. Heck, why not give yourself the rest of the month off? Spend some time with that kid without photographing and uploading it. You’ve earned it.

What now? You’re uploading 8 more photos? Right now? I’m not sure that’s necessary. We just saw a few of him/her this morning. Our daily craving for pictures of your kid is satisfied. And wait…those are all basically the same photo. The pose is hardly even different. The kid…the kid is making the same face he/she made last week, too. That’s not a new face. We’ve seen that face. No, wait! That doesn’t mean I’m asking for more! Wait! No!

The truth is gang, when we see your little bundle of joy on our feeds every damn day, we start to grow immune to his/her charms. Maybe even sour a little. And we definitely don’t want to sour on your kid due to overexposure. I know, for you, it could never be too many pictures. After all, it’s YOUR kid. It came from YOUR body. You love it more than life itself. Understandable. Just remember, for the rest of us, there’s a limit.

Click here for part 2. 

The Donut Eating Contest of 2014

Here at the Lodge, we try to give it our all on a daily basis. Whether that means waking up extra early, doing a few extra reps at the gym, or totally going to town on some day-old olde fashioned cake donuts and eclairs from the Safeway bakery, we believe man should strive to be his best at all times. And what do you know, we stumbled across two men doing the latter of those three things a few weeks ago. So naturally, we had to shoot and produce a video chronicling the affair.

Below you’ll see friends of the Lodge Christopher Sheckler and Donovan Rogers going toe to toe in a test of will and stomach. If this does not inspire you, you must not have a pulse. Reach for the stars, my friends.

Damage Control

BOULDER, Colorado – The Otter Lodge (Inc.) has been made aware of a claim that a small boy and elderly woman were attacked by a river otter several days ago. This report has gained considerable press, and has been disseminated by numerous prominent media outlets, including CNN (below).

dnt otter attack victims speak komo

The Otter Lodge takes these claims very seriously, and does not condone behavior of this nature. Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families, and we wish them a speedy recovery. This otter acted alone, and without the support of the greater otter community. Furthermore, it is well known that the river otter has long been the outcast of the otter community, and often will lash out due to an overriding inferiority complex and decades of bad breeding. The views of this particular river otter in no way reflect the views of The Otter Lodge, the otter species as a whole, or these mild-mannered fluffballs below.

DailyMailOtter2

This issue was originally brought to our attention by friend of the lodge James Hardmin. His full testimony is below.